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Cold Blooded
}} Enor and Gannji take too long trying to talk out a plan, and Elan pleads with Tarquin to "just end it", so Tarquin ends it... via crossbow barrage. Cast * Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ * Elan ◀ ▶ * Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶ * Tarquin ◀ ▶ * Ian Starshine ◀ ▶ * Kilkil ◀ ▶ * Gannji ◀ ▶ * Enor ◀ ▶ * Empress of Blood (on banner) ◀ ▶ * Three Empire of Blood Soldiers * A Dozen Empire of Blood Crossbowmen * A Crowd of Spectators Transcript Elan and Haley sit with General Tarquin in the box above the arena. Down on the arena floor, Gannji and Enor have been brought out as the next match. Elan: Hey! I know those guys! They're the ones who brought us here, right? Elan: How did they end up in the arena? Tarquin: There may have been a few strings pulled. Consider this another special present for you, my boy. Guard: FIGHT! Enor: I don't wanna. Gannji: Oh boy. Think, Gannji, think. How are you going to get out of this one? Tarquin: Hmmm. They're not fighting. Elan: Dad, they're like, best buddies or something. Tarquin: I'm well aware, but right now, they're ruining my gift to you. Gannji: Enor, we have to pretend to fight for a while. Then, you can act like you beat me and we can both go back. Enor: No! I don't wanna! You're my best friend. Ganji: At least just wave your claws around a little. Enor waves his claws around a little. Gannji: Could you possibly make it a little more realistic? At least get CLOSE to hitting me. Enor: You might get hurt by accident. Gannji: Damn it, Enor, work with me here! Roy, Belkar, and Ian Starshine watch the match from the gladiator pens. Roy: Geez. That lizardfolk is a jackass, but he still doesn't deserve this. Roy: It's like watching someone duel their own puppy. Tarquin: This is obviously staged, and more to the point, it's staged poorly. Tarquin: Kilkil, if those two prisoners don't start fighting—for real—in the next 30 seconds, I want you to take action. Gannji: I don't think they're buying it, old friend. Enor: Listen, I have a plan, but... you're not going to like it. Gannji: You need to kill me. Enor: What?? Gannji: No, listen. If you kill me, they'll let you live to fight another day. Gannji: And we both know that you can survive more fights than a rogue like me. Gannji: I like to flap my gums, but I wouldn't make it two days in this place without you to protect me. Kilkil: Should I release the allosaurus? Tarquin: No, not twice in one day. I don't want to lessen the impact for when it does show up. Gannji: After you kill me, cut the tip of my tail off. Tell the guards it's a trophy of your victory. Gannji: They won't question it 'cause you're part ogre. They do stuff like that all the time. Gannji: Keep it hidden, and if you ever get out of the hellhole, find a cleric and pay to resurrect me. Tarquin: Just have the soldiers get ready to shoot them both where they stand. Thirty crossbow bolts should take down even a half-dragon. Kilkil: Yes, General. Enor: No, Gannji, there has to be another way! Gannji: Well I can't think of one! They're going to kill us both if we don't do something. Gannji: So just hurry up and get to it. Elan: Come on, Dad, don't do this. Let them fight other people at least. Tarquin: Where would the fun in that be? Tarquin: The whole point of this match-up was so you could enjoy the extra tragedy of the two of them fighting. Gannji: What the hell is wrong with you, you stupid oaf? You moron! Kill me already! Enor: No! Gannji shoves Enor to the ground. Gannji: DO IT! Enor: NO! Enor weeps. Enor: I don't wanna. I don't wanna hurt you. I don't wanna be alone. Enor: You kill me instead, Gannji. You're smart, and you're never scared. You'll be better off all by yourself. Gannji: ... Gannji: Enor... don't you see? It has to be you. It has to be. Ganji: You have the Victory String. Enor: Oh... oh no, Gannji, here, you take it! Gannji: No, uh... its effects last for 24 hours. I couldn't beat you if I tried. Gannji: Now come on, let's get this over with, OK? Elan: Dad, I don't enjoy watching people suffer just because they got the better of me once! Tarquin: You don't? Huh. Weird. Well, if you're really not enjoying it, I'll just end it. Elan: Good! Enor prepares to pierce Gannji through the heart with Gannji's spear. Gannji: This is the way it has to be, buddy. Enor: I'm sorry, Gannji. I'll get you fixed real soon. I promise. Gannji: It's OK, I know you will. Tarquin: Kill them both. Kilkil: Yes, General. Elan: What? That's not what I— A line of crossbowmen fire their quarrels at the pair, "thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk! thntk!" Trivia * The title refers to the informal thermophysiological classification of lizards as cold-blooded, and plays on the idiomatic usage of this term as meaning "lacking in emotion". * Gannji gave Enor the "Lizardfolk Victory String" in #777. External Links * 783}} View the comic * 192034}} View the discussion thread Category:Linear Guild Attacks!